Not Excited About Wedding Planning?
You’re engaged! Now comes the time to start planning your wedding, but what if you’re bumping up against the fact that you’re not excited about the wedding planning process, or even hating it? First of all, you’re not alone. Many couples feel this way about the wedding planning process for a variety of reasons.
From the cost of the wedding to having family together to the feeling your wedding has to be perfect, it’s totally understandable that engaged couples often feel over-it, anxious, and even experience pre-wedding depression. This article aims to help you through these emotions.
Is it normal to dislike wedding planning or even hate it?
If you don’t like the wedding planning process, we can’t stress this enough: You are not alone. This is a common feeling to have. Plenty of brides and grooms experience this at some point during the planning stage, whether it’s just for a day or for the entire process up to the ceremony and even beyond.
One thing to know is that if you’re feeling overwhelmed and depressed, it’s absolutely an option to seek some mental health counseling from a professional. This is a very stressful time and it’s totally reasonable, acceptable, and applauded to get some support whether it be from family, friends, or a mental health professional.
Is it normal to have doubts about getting married?
Decision-making comes with doubts, no matter whether that decision is small or large. It’s just a part of the human condition. We often want to make the “perfect” and “right” decision. So when it comes to a decision like marriage, it’s normal to question yourself. It’s important to remember that everyone is different and to try not to hold yourself to a standard of what is “normal” and what isn’t.
Some people have worries about their partner. Others have concerns about being the center of attention on their wedding day. Some have doubts about the concept of marriage as a whole. There are a number of reasons why someone could have doubts about their wedding. Try asking yourself, “what is this feeling really about?” Then explore these emotions whether that's through going on a walk, journaling, counseling, or talking with your partner or a counselor. Just remember everyone is different and however you’re feeling at this moment — it’s OK!
What can I do to enjoy the wedding planning process?
1. Talk about your feelings.
Whether you talk to family, trusted friends, or a mental health professional, it’s important to let your feelings out. Not only can communication lead to great advice, but it’s a way to vent and let your frustration and fears out rather than keeping them bottled up. If you’re going the mental health professional route, heck yes! Feel free to go alone, with your partner, or both! Having a mental health professional who can help you develop tools to handle your feelings better is an incredible way to help you through the pre-wedding blues.
2. Delegate responsibilities.
If you like to be in control, this one might be tough for you, but it’s essential to alleviate wedding planning stress. Delegate responsibilities to your partner, wedding party and trusted friends and family. They love you and would be over the moon to help you plan for such an important and exciting day. It’s best to explain exactly what you need, ask, follow up, and then thank them for their generosity.
3. Focus on the fun.
Write down the things that you’re excited about in regards to your wedding. Whether that’s music, speciality cocktails, or anything in between. Put those at the top of your to-do list and accomplish them first to get you more in the mood. Focus on the things you find enjoyable and your priorities, then try to delegate the remaining tasks.
4. Schedule breaks.
Don’t get bogged down with doing wedding-related things every chance you get. Make time for (or schedule if you find that helpful) alone time doing things completely unrelated to your wedding. Go on a walk, take yourself to dinner, paint, read something enjoyable. Also pencil in time with your partner where you don’t bring up the wedding once. Maybe you go take that pottery class that you’ve been putting off, or perhaps it’s as simple as a movie night. The point is, make sure you have space in your days for complete wedding breaks.
5. Forget perfection.
Of course you want your wedding day to be perfect. That’s normal! But try not to be attached to a particular outcome. Focus on your priorities and don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember what this day is about; the love you and your partner share. Keep coming back to that in times of stress and anxiety.
How can I feel prepared so I’m not stressing out on my wedding day?
1. Hire a day-of coordinator.
If your budget allows, hire a day-of coordinator. They cost anywhere from $600 - $2,500 on average, but this varies regionally. Day-of coordinators are focused on logistics and timeline creation and management. They’re there on your wedding day to make sure that everything that has been planned runs smoothly. This ranges from setting up decor to directing guests to seating to managing the flow of speeches.
2. Prior to the wedding day, identify coping strategies.
Before your wedding, discover what makes you feel good during moments of anxiety. Research coping mechanisms for anxiety and try them out in advance. Maybe it’s meditating in silence for 20 minutes. Or creating an all-out dance party to your favorite tunes. Or journaling with a cup a tea. Figure out what makes you feel calm and joyful and make sure you incorporate that into your wedding day at some point.
3. Don’t forget to eat.
Feeling excited and anxious can sometimes cause us to skip breakfast, whether that's from forgetfulness or butterflies, but prepare the night before so this doesn’t happen. If you’re staying at a hotel, order room service the night before or if you’re at a house, make sure to grocery shop so you have a hearty meal in the morning. The preferred wedding day breakfast should be protein heavy with limited greasy foods. Yogurt with granola, fruit, and a hard boiled egg will keep you full and energized.
4. Schedule more time to get ready than you think.
To make sure that you aren’t in a rush, give yourself even more time than you think for hair, makeup, and photos. The last thing you want is to be pushed out the door before you’re ready. To help with this process, do a hair and makeup trial prior to your wedding day so all the style decisions have already been made. Also lay out your dress and accessories for a quick change.
5. Surround yourself with your squad.
Include the people who you feel will be the best support system on the morning of your wedding. Don’t feel the need to invite your entire family in the prepping quarters with you if you don’t want them there. The goal is to make you feel surrounded by love and support, so choose your group wisely. Elect someone who will be in the room with you (maybe a bridesmaid) to be the designated person for all wedding questions and concerns. This way you can just focus on your joy and excitement!
What do most brides forget on their wedding day?
1. Emergency kit.
Include water, aspirin, granola bars, sewing kit, tissues, bandaids and anything else someone might need in a pinch.
2. Comfortable shoes.
This is especially true if your ceremony heels are high or you’re just not used to wearing heels at all.
If you have a bridal party, don’t forget gifts as a token of your gratitude. If you have guests traveling in from out of town, it’s also a good idea to create a welcome gift bag for them since they traveled a long way to be a part of your celebration.
Prepare gratuity for vendors ahead of time by placing cash or a check inside labeled envelopes and designate one person to be responsible for handing these out at the end of the night.
5. A post-wedding person.
Assign one person (or multiple people) to be accountable for post-wedding duties such as collecting gifts, securing any personal items that were used during the wedding, cleaning anything that needs it, etc.
6. A back-up plan in the case of bad weather.
Whether it's a tent or a move indoors, make sure you have a back-up plan in case you wake up to some bad weather. It’s better to be overprepared than underprepared when it comes to your wedding day.
7. A set of invitations for photos.
While you’re getting ready, your photographer will be taking photos of not only you, but also your bridal suite, gown, shoes, and if you remember, your wedding invitations.
8. A do-not-play song list.
You’ve probably created a playlist of songs for your DJ to play at your wedding, but you might not have thought to create a do-not-play list. Create one to avoid any vibe missteps.
9. Marriage license.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but when you have a million things happening, this one is easy to forget.
10. Passport (if you’re leaving the country for your honeymoon).
If your honeymoon is taking place in a different country, make sure you bring your passport and any other necessary travel documents.
Remember: It’s OK if you’re feeling this way!
Getting married is a big decision, and with big decisions can come big nerves. Remember that it’s normal to feel anxious, bothered, or even depressed at times when planning your wedding. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to friends, family and mental health professionals to help ease your worries and aid in creating healthy ways to manage stress. Also try focusing on the parts of your wedding that you’re excited about and have interest in and designate tasks to other trusted individuals (wedding planner, partner, bridal party, etc.), to take some work off your plate.
If you’re not excited about wedding planning, this list can help
If you’re looking for some extra help in the form of a step-by-step guide for wedding planning, we’ve got you covered with that as well. And when in doubt, go back to the reason you’re having a wedding in the first place: Because of the love you share for each other.